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Do you expect a Thank You

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1 Do you expect a Thank You on Mon Jul 11, 2016 1:00 pm

Barbara101

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when you send a wedding gift???

I may be old school but manners are important to me..

My niece that lost 200lbs got married last month..

I sent Le Creuset ..$$$$ 4 pieces..

Have not even heard if the package even got there..

So this morning on FB I asked her Mother..

I got a VERY rude reply..

Big long post about how BUSY she is..BLA BLA.

I am so pissed I wanted to say well send it back..

2 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Mon Jul 11, 2016 1:27 pm

Barbara101

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Sorry you are perplexed, however, she is working on them, not that she or I need to explain, but I will. She has a lot of thank you's to write and since you are not familiar with her life, I'll enlighten you. She works 2 jobs and is taking a summer class so she can graduate from college. Her current GPA is 3.3, which is fantastic considering she carried a full load of difficult classes, while working 2 jobs, and planning a wedding. She has a very busy, full schedule. She is not ungrateful or lazy, quite the contrary, she is doing the best she can and if you knew her you would be just as proud of her as I am.

3 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Mon Jul 11, 2016 4:19 pm

bethk

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Admin
Well at least you found out the gift arrived.....that was your main concern, I'm sure.

4 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Thu Jul 14, 2016 11:56 am

JanaAZ


I gave someone a wedding gift which among other things included a personally designed cookbook. It's been 2 years and I never got a thank you. I know he got it because I personally handed it to him. Very hurt.

5 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Thu Jul 14, 2016 12:06 pm

Barbara101

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I don't expect to get a thank you now. I will never give her or her mother the time of day again..

6 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Fri Jul 15, 2016 12:03 pm

Bugster2

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It is bad form not to send a thank you note for a wedding gift. There is no excuse unless she is in a coma. She made time to plan her wedding so she can make time to write a thank you.

7 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Fri Jul 15, 2016 12:35 pm

Barbara101

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I know right. My son sends me stuff all the time and I profusely thank him.

8 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:56 am

Niagara Visitor


I sit firmly on the fence about this.........or rather wobbly, ready to jump either way at any moment. One side of the fence is the sentiment of "she took time to plan the wedding, she can take the time to say thank you". The other is something that my late sister said to both me and my other sister.............."Don't do something for someone because you expect to be paid, acknowledged or thanked for it. Do it, because it's the right thing to do, and then forget about it." But, darn it all, it's really hard to live by my sister's advice.

9 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 12:07 pm

Crybaby

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Niagara Visitor wrote:I sit firmly on the fence about this.........or rather wobbly, ready to jump either way at any moment.  One side of the fence is the sentiment of "she took time to plan the wedding, she can take the time to say thank you".  The other is something that my late sister said to both me and my other sister.............."Don't do something for someone because you expect to be paid, acknowledged or thanked for it.  Do it, because it's the right thing to do, and then forget about it."  But, darn it all, it's really hard to live by my sister's advice.  

I do agree with your sister, Lore, but this seems like an entirely different situation.  That is DOING something for someone; this is giving a gift when one is not only implied but expected.  I'm often surprised if someone puts a card in (they do it often with a "save the date" notice) as to where they're registered -- some people like it, but I think it's a little tacky.  I vote with waiting to see if someone asks if and where the couple is registered.  I'll guarantee if you attend a wedding nowadays and DON'T send a gift, most of us will hear about it one way or another.  I'd love to hear someone say, "Well, don't I have a year to send a gift like people always say when they haven't gotten around to sending a thank you note yet."

Writing a thank you note is certainly not a hardship.  It doesn't cost a cent other than the stamp and takes much less time than it did to select and pay for a gift.  If one would write a note the same day a gift arrives, it never adds up to be such a chore.  Plus, there's nothing wrong with the husband writing a couple of thank you notes, too.  He can even seem like a real hero by writing the ones to his own relatives and friends and including a line such as "so pleased with the gift that I wanted to thank you personally."  Let's face it, folks.  You almost use the exact same language in each note, just change the gift you're naming.

These days, I'm kind of surprised when I even RECEIVE a thank you note.  Some people call to thank you or email you a note, which is certainly better than nothing.  But there's still something special about getting a handwritten note.  I often buy "thinking of you" or "so glad you're my friend" cards at the store when I see a cute one; others which are often needed are "this too shall pass," or "hang in there" cards with a funny photo or drawing on the front.  You'd be amazed how you can brighten someone's day just by dropping a card in the mail, even if you've not added a personal note, which makes it all the nicer.  

I just tried to think of the last present we sent that we weren't thanked for.  It was one of the last things left on the registry and it was a $200 knife block with knives.  It was for the son of Brian's oldest friend who still lives on the Cape.  We hosted the father and son once for a week but hadn't seen the son since prior to Katrina (2005).  They got married about four years ago in Providence, R.I., at a swanky hotel (the nightly room rate to stay there for the wedding was $500/night).  We were never thanked, but Brian's friend called us to say it was very generous of us.  So at least we knew the gift was received (I wasn't too worried since I went thru the registry).  Was I surprised?  No, but to be honest, I thought less of the bride, which is probably unfair of me, but yet I did.

10 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 1:00 pm

Niagara Visitor


Of course it is a different sceario. I also asked my sister-in-law whether her daughter was planning to send thank you notes for the $300. gift that we sent to her wedding.

I had a different, but similar incident when my husband died. In Germany it is common to add some money into a sympathy card to help pay for expenses. My husband's favourite cousin in Germany, apparently called his and my husband's uncle who lives near here and who came to the funeral. He asked Uncle Ernie to purchase a card and put some money into it. A few months alter I mentioned to Uncle Ernie that I was disappointed in that I had not heard from that cousin after Dieter died. He was in contact with that cousin more than I, and apparently he mentioned my disappointment.

I received a phone call from the cousin saying "What do you mean you haven't heard from us???" Uncle Ernie couldn't remember whether or not he brought a card, I didn't remember if a card from them was among the cards from German relatives. Truth be told, I have not gone through all the cards to look if there is one, and I don't care. To me, sending a card through another person is the laziest way to do that when your supposed favourite cousin has died. If you haven't got time to send a personal message, don't bother, is my motto.

Years ago when our masonry business was very busy, (50 +/- employees) We were invited to a dinner dance paid for totally by one of the general contractors with whom we did business. This was a party for all their sub-contractors, foremen and spouses. Probably 200 people. I found out later from the wife of the owner that I was the only person who sent a thank you card.

11 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 1:24 pm

Bugster2

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I was raised by wolves so it wouldn't occur to me to send a thank you for being invited to a party but not to send a thank you note for a wedding gift is just plain bad manners. My mother had us compose a thank you note when we were children. She kept the card and when it came time to write a thank you, all we had to do was copy what was written and fill in the blank where we mention the gift. I don't think it was more than 3 lines, but it was enough. A PITA when you are a child but mom made it easier. I hear of some brides doing a mass emailing with a general thank you. That is another no-no. When I got married I started on them the very day I got back from my honeymoon. I had them all done in a day.

12 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 1:34 pm

Niagara Visitor


I have never sent a thank you for a party either, but this particular one was with a live band, dinner in a gorgeous venue, door prizes, you name it. You know, sort of like going to a wedding but not having to send a present, or pay for the food/drinks. Very Happy

13 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 2:18 pm

Bugster2

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Niagara Visitor wrote:I have never sent a thank you for a party either, but this particular one was with a live band, dinner in a gorgeous venue, door prizes, you name it.  You know, sort of like going to a wedding but not having to send a present, or pay for the food/drinks. Very Happy

You were a very gracious guest.

14 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:20 pm

Crybaby

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Niagara Visitor wrote:I have never sent a thank you for a party either, but this particular one was with a live band, dinner in a gorgeous venue, door prizes, you name it.  You know, sort of like going to a wedding but not having to send a present, or pay for the food/drinks. Very Happy

Bugster was right, Lore, as you were indeed a gracious guest. Though I've never sent a thank you note for a "business" party, I have indeed intended to and never followed through. N.O. is party central and Brian was in the steamship agency industry for 40 years. When times were good, there were probably 15 to 20 business-given parties a year, with most of them at Christmas but some companies having big crawfish boils and seafood fries when crawfish are in season in spring. Some of them were so very special and/or were given by business associates who had special relationships with Brian, I often thought of doing it but just never got around to it.

The parties gradually died off but occasionally, someone still has the occasional one and though Brian retired in June 2013, we're usually still invited. But we're one of the few people we've been told that actually seek out the host(s) prior to leaving and thank them for a lovely time. One company two years ago had a huge seafood party with a band, all manner of seafood, including charcoal-broiled oysters being cooked outside the huge party hall, for hundreds of people to celebrate their 45th anniversary. The guys that were kids when their parents gave the parties are now in charge of the company. It was so much fun that they had another one the following year (last year). When we entered the party last year and saw my favorite grown son greeting people at the door (where you picked up your hand-lettered name tag attached by magnets so it didn't hurt your clothes), we teased him about it but we all laughed as it's a very New Orleans thing to do! People do love to party in this town and they know how to throw a good one, too!

Good for you, Lore, for making someone's day with your lovely thank you note! Maybe next time I will indeed follow thru just because of you.

15 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:35 pm

Crybaby

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Niagara Visitor wrote:I received a phone call from the cousin saying "What do you mean you haven't heard from us???" Uncle Ernie couldn't remember whether or not he brought a card, I didn't remember if a card from them was among the cards from German relatives. Truth be told, I have not gone through all the cards to look if there is one, and I don't care. To me, sending a card through another person is the laziest way to do that when your supposed favourite cousin has died. If you haven't got time to send a personal message, don't bother, is my motto.

I agree with you, Lore. And if I was the cousin, I sure wouldn't have made that phone call if I'd passed on the duty to another without even any follow up to make sure Uncle Ernie had done it. Seems like the younger one would've been doing it FOR Uncle Ernie if someone was going to pass.

BTW, I have Asian friends and they have a similar custom, as they give money at funerals. When my friend's husband passed away from cancer, she told me she came home with $17,000 after the funeral. Granted, many of Paul's friends were very successful in the restaurant business, but I was astounded. When Brian had cancer surgery in 2000, a few guys from his office went to the hospital a couple of days later, including his boss and a Korean port captain who shared office space with my husband's company due to his huge account. Captain Kim gave Brian a sealed envelope and I had forewarned him that if that happened, it would be considered rude to refuse it. He and his boss kind of shrugged at each other and when I came later, Brian asked me to take the unopened envelope home. When he came home and opened it, we were stunned to find $500! We found it incredibly generous then and still think of him, though it's been years since he went back to South Korea. He was a very nice man and he and Brian really liked one another and still speak occasionally, and ask about each other all the time.

16 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:38 pm

Crybaby

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Debbie, I'd be amiss if I didn't tell you that I laughed out loud at your "I was raised by wolves" comment!!!

17 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:01 pm

Bugster2

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Crybaby wrote:Debbie, I'd be amiss if I didn't tell you that I laughed out loud at your "I was raised by wolves" comment!!!

Close to it. My sisters and I were short-changed in the parent department.

18 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:06 pm

Niagara Visitor


Now that I think about it, maybe I should look through all those cards, there might be more $$$ in some. What does one do with dozens of sympathy cards? I also still have everything from when our daughter died. All that I have put into a couple of three ring binders in plastic protective sleeves, including the newspaper articles of the plane crash. It's still too sad to go through all that, though.

19 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:11 pm

Bugster2

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Niagara Visitor wrote:Now that I think about it, maybe I should look through all those cards, there might be more $$$ in some.  What does one do with dozens of sympathy cards?  I also still have everything from when our daughter died. All that I have put into a couple of three ring binders in plastic protective sleeves, including the newspaper articles of the plane crash.  It's still too sad to go through all that, though.

Give them to a trusted friend to open. There may be money (cash) in some. Checks would probably be no good at this point in time.

20 Re: Do you expect a Thank You on Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:42 pm

Niagara Visitor


Maybe with my sister.

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