Niagara Visitor wrote:I sit firmly on the fence about this.........or rather wobbly, ready to jump either way at any moment. One side of the fence is the sentiment of "she took time to plan the wedding, she can take the time to say thank you". The other is something that my late sister said to both me and my other sister.............."Don't do something for someone because you expect to be paid, acknowledged or thanked for it. Do it, because it's the right thing to do, and then forget about it." But, darn it all, it's really hard to live by my sister's advice.
I do agree with your sister, Lore, but this seems like an entirely different situation. That is DOING something for someone; this is giving a gift when one is not only implied but expected. I'm often surprised if someone puts a card in (they do it often with a "save the date" notice) as to where they're registered -- some people like it, but I think it's a little tacky. I vote with waiting to see if someone asks if and where the couple is registered. I'll guarantee if you attend a wedding nowadays and DON'T send a gift, most of us will hear about it one way or another. I'd love to hear someone say, "Well, don't I have a year to send a gift like people always say when they haven't gotten around to sending a thank you note yet."
Writing a thank you note is certainly not a hardship. It doesn't cost a cent other than the stamp and takes much less time than it did to select and pay for a gift. If one would write a note the same day a gift arrives, it never adds up to be such a chore. Plus, there's nothing wrong with the husband writing a couple of thank you notes, too. He can even seem like a real hero by writing the ones to his own relatives and friends and including a line such as "so pleased with the gift that I wanted to thank you personally." Let's face it, folks. You almost use the exact same language in each note, just change the gift you're naming.
These days, I'm kind of surprised when I even RECEIVE a thank you note. Some people call to thank you or email you a note, which is certainly better than nothing. But there's still something special about getting a handwritten note. I often buy "thinking of you" or "so glad you're my friend" cards at the store when I see a cute one; others which are often needed are "this too shall pass," or "hang in there" cards with a funny photo or drawing on the front. You'd be amazed how you can brighten someone's day just by dropping a card in the mail, even if you've not added a personal note, which makes it all the nicer.
I just tried to think of the last present we sent that we weren't thanked for. It was one of the last things left on the registry and it was a $200 knife block with knives. It was for the son of Brian's oldest friend who still lives on the Cape. We hosted the father and son once for a week but hadn't seen the son since prior to Katrina (2005). They got married about four years ago in Providence, R.I., at a swanky hotel (the nightly room rate to stay there for the wedding was $500/night). We were never thanked, but Brian's friend called us to say it was very generous of us. So at least we knew the gift was received (I wasn't too worried since I went thru the registry). Was I surprised? No, but to be honest, I thought less of the bride, which is probably unfair of me, but yet I did.